The Art Of Conversation
Now that we’ve entered the holiday season, odds are you’ll be making an appearance at your share of parties and dinners in the coming weeks, putting your conversation skills to the test. While there are a select few that seem to effortlessly master the English language, exuding wit and charm regardless of the situation or crowd, most of us find ourselves needing social support more often than we’d like. It’s one of the core characteristics of being human – the need to connect with others – yet, like most things, our innate ability generally takes us only so far. Whether it’s a business lunch, dinner date, neighborhood party or a night on the town, here are a few tips for refining your conversation abilities, helping you emerge intelligent, competent, charismatic and interesting.
Be authentic, confident and humble. Beyond just a tip for being a better communicator, these traits are at the heart of being a man of character. Feeling secure in who you are (and who you are not) and being unassuming will put people at ease, build trust and draw them to you.
Think like a storyteller. We watch movies and read books because we like to hear a good tale. When someone asks, “Hey, what’s new?” “Not much” is a boring response. Your life has a more noteworthy narrative than such a trite answer, so set the stage, incite intrigue, add suspense and deliver the resolution.
Truly listen. Some people spend most of a conversation wishing the other person would finish talking so they can voice what they really want to say. Apart from being inconsiderate and selfish, you can’t focus on what the other person is telling you if you’re just waiting your turn to speak. A good listener shows respect and value in the other person’s words.
Don’t be a habitual “me too” person. We all know someone that constantly has to one-up everyone. You can’t share anything without them jumping in to say they’ve also been there and done that. Commonality makes for a good connection but a braggadocios narcissist is a turn off. Instead, when you find mutual interests, go deeper into what they just said, not how it relates to you.
Who not what. Some people don’t like their jobs, where they live, the daily tasks of life, etc. So turn the discussion toward what makes them tick and come alive. Discover who they are not just what they do.
Be constructive. Nobody wants to spend their time at a party with someone that bemoans what’s wrong with the world. You came to celebrate, so be a glass half full man. If you do find an area of disagreement, don’t be defensive. Hear their point of view with composure – you may learn something.
Mind your mannerisms. Attentive eye contact, uncrossed arms, a kind smile – your body language communicates just as much as your words. No one will ever say that they appreciated how much you looked over their shoulder or checked your phone while they were talking.
Adapt to your partner. Be aware of and sensitive to what the other person is saying. Notice which topics they dodge and which make them open up. Tailor the conversation to their interests and comfort level.
Less is more. As the adage goes, better to be thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt. Think before you speak and don’t over-share. Wade into the social water before you dive in too deep. Leave someone wanting more rather than feeling verbally dumped on.
